It’s Day 6 and I lost my focus. I’m not really cool with that. This New Year i’m supposed to set me up for the new year, prepare my heart, and give me some breakthroughs. I feel that my heart isn’t in this, and I’m not sure what to do.
When your heart isn’t in it, and you said you’d do it, do you continue? Most of the time I do. I like to be a man of my word. For some reason this time, I’d really like to quit. At least I did before church today.
I attend an awesome church here in Minneapolis, and I was inspired today. As of Tomorrow the whole church will be praying together for the next 21 days.
I’ve been doing something similar, and so I’ll continue. It’ll be nice to do this with my church friends/family.
What Has Changed In The New Year?
A friend of mine asked me this question yesterday. In the first few days, I could hear Gods voice, and I felt his direction. I knew this was the path for me, and I needed to be on it.
Now it’s difficult, I can’t hear anything except random cries for ice cream or steak (not steak ice cream…that wouldn’t be palatable.
I thinks that’s the way things go sometimes, you set your focus on God, and hear his voice for awhile. Then all of a sudden, feelings and emotions attack and surround you.
The emotions surround you, and they get loud. They crowd out his voice by sheer volume, and then you feel lost. Jesus hasn’t left you, he’s right next to you and hasn’t left. Unfortunately you can’t hear his voice, and his voice is the only one you’ll want to hear.
In times like these, when I feel alone, I find a quiet place, and silence my heart. I have to quiet my brain, which quiets my soul. Then I open up the Bible and I begin to read. If I can’t hear Gods voice, at least I can read it on paper, and see what he’ll say to me.
How Far Into The Year Am I Going To Be Focused On this
I’m going to keep doing what I said I will, I’ve made a couple mistakes, and that’s ok. As long as I keep going, hearing Gods voice is what I care about.
I’ve got my prayer list, and I’ll page through it everyday. My goal is breakthrough this year. I’m supposed to be doing more in my life and I keep getting held back.
I’m pretty sure I’m stopping myself, every time I wanna move forward everything just stops, and it stops because I choose to stop it.
Some Christians Bug Me
I need to clarify the header of this paragraph. Most Christians don’t annoy or bug me. I’m tired of running into super spiritual ones, that have no fruit, and keep trying to tell me one political party or the other is chosen by God.
If you don’t believe that exists, or haven’t run into them. I’m jealous of you 🙂
Another type I’ve gotten annoyed with, are the ones that focus only on the spirit. The spirit is a great thing, but to focus on one part at the expense of another, that isn’t right. We need balance, at least I think we do, or maybe I watched Star Wars too much growing up.
My point is that we are all spirit in a physical body, and maybe my thought/argument is pointless, but I hope it made sense.
How I Should React When Annoyed In The New Year?
After those last few paragraphs, I thought I’d add something about my attitude, and how I need some adjustments. LOL it’s very true, and I do.
In December, God started speaking to my heart about getting mad at people while driving. I don’t know about the rest of you, but slow drivers in the left lane make me furious.
You shouldn’t be in that lane going slow, and if you don’t notice a car coming up behind you at a higher speed. You’re not paying attention. Which is another reason to change lanes.
It’s almost like people like testing my patience, and there’s a part of it, I like to call Minnesota Passive Aggressive. It’s the belief that I follow the speed limit, and everyone else should too.
While I think that’s stupid. I need to check my own heart. I’m getting angry at somebody, and how much faster will I really get to the Snowboard Hill, or the Mall? 10 seconds, 30 seconds, does that time really matter?
How I’m Fixing My Behavior
I feel like this Year God has shown me behaviors that stop God from moving in my life, and I need to correct them. Thats one of the reasons I’ve been trying to hear him more.
This behavior comes outta nowhere. So once I get angry, I start to pray blessing on the person. I pray for whatever their mind is focused on, that God would help them find direction, and give them peace.
I’m hoping the behavior will take hold, and I’ll start praying over people just because I see them. Not because I’m annoyed by them.
This New Years Focus is different than last year. I didn’t care in 2018 because I had no reason to keep it. This Year I want something new, so I’m doing something different.
I’m tired of my old way of living, and I need to live passionately for the right reasons. Life can really suck sometimes, but if you’re following Jesus. Not a church belief of Jesus, but the REAL Jesus. Life can get exciting.
This Weeks Focus For My Prayer Focus
So I’ve got a list of 4 breakthroughs that I’m praying for, and focusing on. I know God will do something. He really has to, I’ve got no other option or fall back plan.
My plan is to keep opening doors, and see where God is Leading, but if the doors are unfruitful. It might be time to sit down, shut up, and listen. He might have something to tell me.
This will probably be my last fasting tagged post. I started this because I wanted to write about what God was doing in my life while I was fasting, and I just realized that I’m pretty much shouting “I’M FASTING” In the town square.
I’ve pretty much changed the whole article and removed that word from it. I just wanted to share what God was doing in my life. My apologies.
When you make a mistake. Own it, and make it right. Be the man God Called You To Be.-E. Sterling
My next post, will be on something and I’ll what God’s doing in my life, but from now on. When I’m fasting, I’m not telling anybody what I’m doing. #Rookiemistake #notarookie #Ishouldknowbetter #convictionofthespirit
New Years 2019
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