One of the most difficult things you can do in life is forgive and let go. Especially when someone you loved has hurt you. Those are the deepest wounds, and they’re not easily healed.
However forgiveness isn’t for them, it’s for you. When you forgive you’re not saying what they did was okay. Instead you’re saying I’m done with this, and I refuse to allow the pain to hurt me anymore. When you forgive, you’re also opening the door to reconciliation.
However reconciliation involves the other person, and a decision to come together and let it all go.
A common troupe we have is to forgive and forget. However, it’s almost impossible to forget, especially when something causes you great pain. When you fully forgive and let go, you’re releasing those emotions, and finally finding peace.
How Do You Truly Forgive Someone?
Many times for me, It’s come as a realization, or a desire to make a change in my life. Something will happen and my heart will get extremely worked up. I’ll sit and ask myself why I’m so angry and I’ll remember something that has no attachment or meaning to my current situation.
It’s those moments where I realize, that I’m holding onto something, and it’s effecting the rest of my life.
When you hold onto un-forgiveness you’re only hurting yourself. For some reason our perception of reality gets warped and we thing we’re harming the other person. In reality, they sometimes don’t even know we’re hurting.
Steps To Forgiving And Letting Go
The following are the steps I’ve noticed in my life that have lead me to forgiving and letting go. They’re important steps that can help guide and direct you on your path. Self awareness is extremely important here as you’ll have to evaluate yourself a lot.
1. Take a Step Back, And Look At Yourself.
One of the first steps of letting go, is a self examination. For me it usually follows a realization that I’m angry, and I don’t know why. Maybe I had an explosive outburst, or I’m driving like a dick. Either way, I know something is rotten inside, and I need to dig into my heart and see what I need to change.
2. Make A Choice To Forgive And Let Go
This is an important step, but its not the end. you choosing to finally move on will plant a seed in your heart. Whatever wounds you feel and emotions you’re facing will still be there, but you’ve made a decision to heal and let go. This is important as it will focus and direct you on your path.
3. Remind Yourself Daily, And When Your Emotions Flare Up
When you’re trying to forgive and let go, you’ll have to understand that it’s a process. It’s possible that one day you’ll wake up and everything will be gone, but it doesn’t happen that way most of the time.
Forgiveness takes time and effort. It’s a daily choice and sometimes it’s an hourly one. When your emotions rise up, and you’re feeling angry. Take those thoughts captive. Place them under your control and remember the choice to let it all go.
4. Put Yourself In The Other Persons Shoes
When people are hurt they will tend to view the person who hurt them as evil or vindictive. It’s a safety mechanism from inside our minds. Why else would they have hurt us? They have to be evil right?
However doing this also makes it difficult to realize the person might not have tried to hurt you, or they might have had a difficult decision and it hurt you. The sky is the limit for reasons this happened, and you should explore that.
For example, I hated my father for years after I grew up. He was an abusive father who told me I’d never amount to anything, and for 18 years of my adult life I refused to speak with him. In 2016, I felt the need to speak with him again, and realized a few things.
- I no longer hated him, in fact I had forgiven him.
- There was something inside me that felt pity for him. He had been abused by his father, and wasn’t able to fully heal from his wounds.
- This brought me to a place of peace with him.
When I reconnected with my father, I was finally able to get to know him. For two years I spoke with him regularly before he finally went home to his reward.
I was able to finally learn who he was, and what drove him. This helped me forgive and let go.
Finally, I’d found my freedom.
5. Forgiving And Letting Go Brings Peace
Started out and getting the ball rolling is difficult, but when you’ve been releasing the anger, and pain for awhile. You’ll notice peace starts to creep into your heart. Inside you’ll feel the anger, heartache, and pain subside. Peace will begin to rein.
The timing for this process can vary due to multiple reasons. However if you keep choosing to forgive, let go, and control your emotions. Eventually you’ll get there.
6. Forgive And Let Go, but Wish Them The Best
One of the reasons I stopped communication with my father for 18 years was that he hadn’t changed. I didn’t want contact with him because he would’ve continued to hurt me. If you’re in a situation where the person continuously hurts you. Remove them from your life.
You can still forgive when they’re out of the picture. Remember your safety is important, and you shouldn’t compromise that.
3 years ago I reached a point in my life where I felt fine with everything. I’d forgiven my dad, and wished him the best in his life. I had no desire to open up a line of communication with him, but I knew I’d let go.
Then we were able to reconcile, and I’ve written about this topic extensively in my book Hurricane Jerald.
Forgiveness And Letting Go Is For You
I wrote this briefly above, but to forgive and let go is for you. If you really want to move on. It’s time to make a decision. When you hold onto pain and heartache, you’re only hurting yourself. It’s like you’re trying to swim in life, but you’re wearing a pair of cement shoes. You might stay afloat for a little while, but sooner or later, you’re going down.
Cut yourself free, forgive and let go. You’ll find the freedom to be amazing.
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